When one first takes on the coveted role of club captaincy, whatever their age - one inevitably dreams of silverware, laughter, victory beers, unicorns and the glory of being the man, or perhaps woman, that has led their team to the top flight.
In reality, however, very few of these things actually ever come to fruition, unless of course we are talking about the kind of false reality that can occurs every Saturday in the early hours, from the comfort of your own duvet. That 8.30 alarm, to this day, remains a disappointment.
Come September it will all be worth it (or so we are told), but it can be an intriguingly bumpy ride along the way, especially at the first time of asking. If you are taking over the reigns, be it Premier Club 1st XI or Sunday 2’s, here are a few of the scenarios that you may well encounter during your time at the helm:
1) Selection Debates
The classic. No cricket season is complete without plenty of these. Can we pick a non-bowling batsman at 8? Who takes the new ball while our 2 best seamers visit the Galapagos Islands for 3 weeks? Will the rules allow our entire 2nd XI to play for the 1’s this week now the vice-captain has re-scheduled his Stag Do for Saturday?
The painful nature of a 90-minute selection meeting on a Tuesday night, not only means you miss the evening’s televised football or your episode of Holby City, but apparently it means absolutely nothing! Despite going over every possible player balance with the panel of other skippers, the club coach, the director of cricket, the chairman and Prime Minister, every selection will always be wrong! Let’s pick ‘em out a hat next week shall we boys?
And another thing. 44 players every week? You’ve got to be joking me. The one thing always in our favour mind you, is no matter how many weeks we captains go without a taking a wicket or passing the dreaded 10 run mark, we can always bank on staying put. Every cloud, eh?
2) Finding an Umpire
Unless your team is good enough to have panel umpires allocated, or lucky enough to already own a club umpire who can see for 22 yards or more, you will need to find an umpire.
SO FIND ONE NOW! Yes, July 2016 is the perfect time to start looking in preparation for April 2018. If like me, you can find another club member to do this (or anything like this) for you, and then claim all the credit when it works out, even better. How did you find a cracking umpire who actually enjoys 2nd XI cricket I hear you ask? A simple advert in the nearest Sainsbury’s worked for me. But if that doesn’t work for you, I won’t be overly surprised.
3) Difficult Phone calls
See ‘Selection Debates’.
Not much else to add really. “Yeah hi there James. Just a quick call to say that unfortunately you’ll be in the 3’s this week. It was a really tough decision and although….” Hangs up.
4) 40 player seasons
“Okay, this is the year we stick to our guns, play the same eleven players every week, give guys a run in their given side and avoid the dreaded yo-yo players.” For those non-captains out there, the yo-yo describes the poor lad that jumps from team to team, week by week, until they are so disorientated that they don’t actually know which figure is their phone number and which is their last 11 batting positions. Good idea, isn’t it?
On paper, yes. It sounds marvellous! But 9 games in and 25 players later, it seems a distant memory. God, I should have remembered our 22 best players are not all available for 18 games a season, shouldn’t I?
5) Training nights
Believe it or not, most club cricketers will have the option to have a net and maybe flirt with the idea of doing some fielding every so often. Whether they actually take this opportunity up is a completely different question. As with many captain’s, especially those who are in charge of their mighty, mighty 2nd XI’s, I have become used to the glorious sight of turning up to training to see approximately 2 members of my 46-man squad, partaking in the glorious act of ‘training’.
This one time, we amazingly had a full turnout of nine 2nd XI cricketers keen for a hit. I couldn’t believe my eyes. After 5 of the 1st team lads had had a nice long bat (1’s priority night), the heavens decided to open and we all went home. 76 all out on Saturday – thanks for coming.
6) Dropouts.
I don’t want to talk about dropouts ever. EVER. AGAIN.
7) Oh and of course you need to still get the runs and wickets..
Yeah… about that.
Let’s just say the strain of captaincy and its demands have taken their toll. We’ll play the skippering has consumed all my energy and concentration, resulting in a severe temporary/permanent loss of cricketing ability card. Runs will soon come, they all say. “Half way through the season already lads!” I say half chuckling, half crying.
And for any first-year skippers who have taken it on with aplomb and have the hundreds and 5-fers on their play cricket stats to complement it… don’t lie to me.
I guess there might be one out there. Good on ya mate. You’re a better man than I.
In reality, however, very few of these things actually ever come to fruition, unless of course we are talking about the kind of false reality that can occurs every Saturday in the early hours, from the comfort of your own duvet. That 8.30 alarm, to this day, remains a disappointment.
Come September it will all be worth it (or so we are told), but it can be an intriguingly bumpy ride along the way, especially at the first time of asking. If you are taking over the reigns, be it Premier Club 1st XI or Sunday 2’s, here are a few of the scenarios that you may well encounter during your time at the helm:
1) Selection Debates
The classic. No cricket season is complete without plenty of these. Can we pick a non-bowling batsman at 8? Who takes the new ball while our 2 best seamers visit the Galapagos Islands for 3 weeks? Will the rules allow our entire 2nd XI to play for the 1’s this week now the vice-captain has re-scheduled his Stag Do for Saturday?
The painful nature of a 90-minute selection meeting on a Tuesday night, not only means you miss the evening’s televised football or your episode of Holby City, but apparently it means absolutely nothing! Despite going over every possible player balance with the panel of other skippers, the club coach, the director of cricket, the chairman and Prime Minister, every selection will always be wrong! Let’s pick ‘em out a hat next week shall we boys?
And another thing. 44 players every week? You’ve got to be joking me. The one thing always in our favour mind you, is no matter how many weeks we captains go without a taking a wicket or passing the dreaded 10 run mark, we can always bank on staying put. Every cloud, eh?
2) Finding an Umpire
Unless your team is good enough to have panel umpires allocated, or lucky enough to already own a club umpire who can see for 22 yards or more, you will need to find an umpire.
SO FIND ONE NOW! Yes, July 2016 is the perfect time to start looking in preparation for April 2018. If like me, you can find another club member to do this (or anything like this) for you, and then claim all the credit when it works out, even better. How did you find a cracking umpire who actually enjoys 2nd XI cricket I hear you ask? A simple advert in the nearest Sainsbury’s worked for me. But if that doesn’t work for you, I won’t be overly surprised.
3) Difficult Phone calls
See ‘Selection Debates’.
Not much else to add really. “Yeah hi there James. Just a quick call to say that unfortunately you’ll be in the 3’s this week. It was a really tough decision and although….” Hangs up.
4) 40 player seasons
“Okay, this is the year we stick to our guns, play the same eleven players every week, give guys a run in their given side and avoid the dreaded yo-yo players.” For those non-captains out there, the yo-yo describes the poor lad that jumps from team to team, week by week, until they are so disorientated that they don’t actually know which figure is their phone number and which is their last 11 batting positions. Good idea, isn’t it?
On paper, yes. It sounds marvellous! But 9 games in and 25 players later, it seems a distant memory. God, I should have remembered our 22 best players are not all available for 18 games a season, shouldn’t I?
5) Training nights
Believe it or not, most club cricketers will have the option to have a net and maybe flirt with the idea of doing some fielding every so often. Whether they actually take this opportunity up is a completely different question. As with many captain’s, especially those who are in charge of their mighty, mighty 2nd XI’s, I have become used to the glorious sight of turning up to training to see approximately 2 members of my 46-man squad, partaking in the glorious act of ‘training’.
This one time, we amazingly had a full turnout of nine 2nd XI cricketers keen for a hit. I couldn’t believe my eyes. After 5 of the 1st team lads had had a nice long bat (1’s priority night), the heavens decided to open and we all went home. 76 all out on Saturday – thanks for coming.
6) Dropouts.
I don’t want to talk about dropouts ever. EVER. AGAIN.
7) Oh and of course you need to still get the runs and wickets..
Yeah… about that.
Let’s just say the strain of captaincy and its demands have taken their toll. We’ll play the skippering has consumed all my energy and concentration, resulting in a severe temporary/permanent loss of cricketing ability card. Runs will soon come, they all say. “Half way through the season already lads!” I say half chuckling, half crying.
And for any first-year skippers who have taken it on with aplomb and have the hundreds and 5-fers on their play cricket stats to complement it… don’t lie to me.
I guess there might be one out there. Good on ya mate. You’re a better man than I.